As far as I can remember, I have always had a curious mind and naturally inclined to observe my surroundings. The observations would mostly be about the behavior that an individual or group would have, the spoken words, the looks, the gestures etcetera. Growing up day after day, those observations helped me a lot to understand but not all the time, the overall behavior, some actions and words.
Very very early in my age, I started noticing the social interactions and behaviours around me in the different environments I was part of and/or exposed to.
Growing up, sometimes I would accompany the women from the house to complete errands in the neighbourhood like going to the closest mill in order to grind corn and millet grain to obtain flour used to cook the dough dishes (la pâte) or going to the market to buy okra for the sauce accompanying the dough dish. Those women were my cousins and relatives I considered as big sisters and respected them in that way. They were aged between 19 to 30 years old at that time.
And as It was always a pleasure to do those errands with my sisters, because it was always a great opportunity to communicate, share and by that a human relation was being built step by step. A particular thing that I noticed was that my sisters would always always get hit on by men, of different ages (mild to older), during those errands, walks. So Men would do that either by whistling at them or just shouting ‘’lady’’, ‘’young lady’’, ‘’you, I am calling you’’, ‘’it is you I am talking to’’ at them to get their attention, I guess.
And even though at that time, I was too young for that to be intended to me but also it was really just intended for them. I had always felt that it was being too much, as being borderline aggressive, primarily because of the many many times it occurred during the same errand within a very short time lapse. Sometimes, It could happen at least 5 times from 5 different people at 5 moments, on the way up and/or back of that one and only errand.
But before I go on, I want to clarify that I am not talking about the friendly-no-intention-in-the-back-of-the-mind greetings that we do while walking in the street, as it is normal within our customs to greet a perfect stranger who is just for example sitting outside his door, under the tree or workers outside their shop. Not only is it part of our customs, it is also considered polite and respectful to do so but mainly, it is our way to let fellow humans know that we have acknowledged them, that we see them, and that they are not invisibilized. And I think we could say that 99% of the time, the person will receive the greetings, accept them and reply back with his/her greetings as well. It is definitely part of the social value, culture and education. The social-knitting result from that practice can only, on the contrary, encourage me to perpetuate it, as it is a humanizing act.
That being said, let’s go back to the ‘’repeated-hit-ons’’(rho), my sisters would get.
Every time those actions were being done or took place, even though I repeat again, I was NOT the one being aimed, I would still solely feel them as being somewhat ‘’aggressions’’. I then understood that I felt that way because in my mind, I was leaving my house for a specific goal (ex: go buy something needed) with peace in my mind, sort of speaking. But then on my way there will be these ‘’repeated-hit-ons’’ coming from each side of my path (and I do not want to say ‘’slowing me down’’ but Yes ‘’slowing me down’’. That was what was going on in my mind.. Lolll!!!!!
And I know it can sound weird, but that is really just how I thought and felt it inside. And so it would get on my nerves.
Some years later, they would become my own in the sense that I would start getting the-repeated-hit-ons in the same way but more by men around my age.
And from those experiences at that time, I consciously took an action for myself which was a natural reaction for that specific situation. It is only later, that I realized that it was not logical nor effective, looking back at it.
So the ‘’natural’’ reaction that I had back then, was that I PUT A RING ON IT!!! 😆😅😆😅. YES I DID.
My ‘’logical’’ logic back then was that I would not get hit on if Men saw the ring on my ring finger and would think that I was already married. And like I said, it is only years later that I thought about it again and said to myself that ‘’that strategy couldn’t have worked anyways since I was too young to make anyone think I was already married, even with the ring on my ring finger’’. Only then did I understand that the RING ON IT was my way or actually my attempt to protect me from the rho-felt-like-mini-aggressions.
Up until today I have kept the same practice of having a ring on my ring finger.
And not necessary to add that those feelings, thoughts, views are very much only mine, as I don’t think the repeated-hit-ons were experienced the same way by my sisters. It was and is MY perception.
Question for us: Have you ever experienced or felt similar things or maybe heard from a friend, an acquaintance? Is there a meaning that I am missing behind the rho behaviors?
Balg Bonciɛnn 🙏🏿
Thank you for reading and sharing 🙂
Min Diɛ b – Yendu fin yen Balg
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